One of the common feelings I would have as a kid was self-loathing. I would make negative comments and create darker narratives churn in my headspace. It wasn't until my own life was in jeopardy that I began grasping for help and realized just how deeply I held on.
Tarot first introduced itself in my life mid 2019. I didn't hone in on that knowledge and intuition until the Pandemic.
Fast forward to now, I have a newfound respect and methodology to keep my heart, emotions, and mentality balanced.
It has always been a struggle for me to feel/look sexy or just have confidence in my own body. Partially because I was often regarded as cute, sweet, and even awkward and no matter how hard I tried I would fail to change and resort back to my usual ways. Maybe I was just reliant on my alter ego showing itself one day but clearly that wasn't reality.
So, I decided it was time to craft a spell. A Self-Love Spell and more specifically concentrated around an indicator card pulled via tarot. In this case I wanted to embody the Queen of Wands.
It took 3 separate days, casted a circle with my crystals and with each day a different goddess was invoked & joined me.
Day 1 began with Venus.
With her sensuality, play, and not giving two fucks what people have to say, she was a perfect choice for me. For so long I let my 'niceness' combat the ignorance within my circle and within myself. But I didn't want that, especially when all I needed was to believe in me.
Venus to me is voluptuous, has blonde hair, and a beauty that could singe the hearts of a thousand empires( whatever that means, right? Not to mention she's adorned with Roses). I was just not comparable in my mind's eye.
Even though I was intimidated by her (It's been hard, though not as much anymore, to be with/friends with females I found more 'sexy' than me. How could I compete?) I found myself warming up and kind of excited. It felt like she embraced me as an old friend and was glad that I finally let her in.
Together we dug into the concept of 'Strippers' and found my epitomized hallucination of what any sexual person must desire was just a myth and glorified by society and lies. For me it was how I wanted to be admired. It always felt like an honor to be considered sexy yet I couldn't handle the admiration from onlookers. There was always something tainted in the way eyes would look at me.
Venus had me thinking 'How much time was wasted and not given back to me while I irrigated these thoughts to other parts of my bodily stream?' Thoughts like these overwhelmed but unleashed like a faucet, draining the muck out of a swamp to reveal the shards of gold underneath.
Maybe it's always been a self-sabotage that I feigned to resign to because I felt like I would be lost if I admitted defeat. That something would be so traumatically false if I fell under the presumption that I was beautiful in any given way. I always held close that the grain of truth in critical judgement always held the heart of what I should believe in.
But Venus was everything and anything but harsh and critical. Demanding sure and very forward.
She wanted to tell me how the fuck it truly is and that nothing I barricaded myself with let the true me shine. "I shouldn't worry anymore", were her exact words.
Because I am already beautiful and that there was beauty in everything/anything that I could create. And now it was up to me to take it to the next level. Always at my side she whispered invariable truths, one's that I will keep til time immemorial.
She took over when the words poured for the incantation/prayer. Topics such as self love/value, respect, acceptance, and getting back to sexual self. (not that I'm not sexual but back to the more heightened/carnal state I had been as a kid). There was truth, gratitude and a way she spoke and caressed me as we continued. She wanted me to know I'm not alone and that I should never give up and follow the routine I have given myself.
I felt she was truly with me.
Not saying I instantly felt better but I was relieved.
Day 2 and 3 were honestly heartfelt and touched by Hecate but incorporated a different aspect and prayer for each visit. Her grace, beauty and wilderness in her spirit confounded me yet I looked up to her in awe.
Never have I believed that something like this was specially given to me by her. She gave me the gift of morale/contemplative thought. Sharing that I have a choice to react and give back to others. That my utmost duty was to my self and no one else. That I need to love, nurture and honor my inner knowing. Her exact words womb, spirit, and knowing.
She is wild, beautiful and gracious and forced my hand over my heart for forgiveness. Forgiveness of myself, my thought, and own heart tremors that had reinstated those faulty belief systems.
Indeed she gave me her own dose of reality and knows how I get carried away in my journey. But she's been here by my side and it's kind of relaxing. Though I feel the well of hate rise at times, the wisdom, intuitive words and guidance given by her have altered my reality.
These leading ladies inspired me into owning my own Queen fo Wands and I continue to meditate and include a daily prayer as reminder of what was said. And it's been a unique and completely personal experience.
Here are the list of ingredients I used for my spell. My spells I share are to be used as inspiration, maybe even a guideline into how you can make a practice/invocation of your own.
Spell List:
Bloodstone (N), Obsidian (E), Rose Quartz (S), Snowflake Obsidian (W)
Florida Water
White Votive Candle/ Candle Holder
Hawthorne Berries
Pluto Transition Oil
Sage & Palo Santo
Fire
Share in the comments or on instagram to let me know how candle magic works for you and if any of these tips helped.
Love love love this!